Feeling the need to write, but too private for sharing on Facebook. It's been 3 weeks since my mom died and overall I'm doing really good. I've known for 2 years that the cancer had come back for the 3rd time and tried to enjoy all the time we had together. When I was a youth my awesome young wowen's leader Leslie Remali taught me how to write in calligraphy. I practiced and practiced and made Mom a homemade Christmas gift of a neat quote I had come across. "A Mother is someone who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take." She framed it and hung it in her room, and we even displayed it at the viewing. How true is that statement?? My mom was my "person" as they'd say on Grey's Anatomy. She was my friend to go shopping with, go to the movies, and the 1st person I would call with any kind of news. We would talk on the phone pretty much every day. I felt like she was the only person on earth who loved my kids as much as my husband and I do and would love to hear all about their daily adventures etc.
I can't quite name what I'm feeling. It's just so hard to think that she's really gone. It seems surreal. I feel like a light has gone out in my life and a voice silenced forever. I wonder how many years it will take to get used to our new family. There are so many life events such as my brothers' weddings, the impending birth of my sister 2nd baby, and my own baby coming in just 5 months that she will be greatly missed. I wonder if Heavenly Father surprised us with this new little one because I love babies so much and time flies that first year.
I usually get through the day without thinking about it until something reminds me. I tucked Logan into bed and his favorite stuffed animal is his Pluto dog she bought him at Disney World in March. It breaks my heart that she loved him so much and he won't remember her.
So many people shared their memories of her on the funeral home website, it was very touching. She touched so many lives, I feel like I have big shoes to fill. It makes me want to be a better mother, etc. She truly left behind a legacy.
1 comment:
I can't even imagine what that must feel like, but I'm glad you shared your feelings. It's nice to know that there are others who deal with this huge array of human emotion. Good luck with it all and remember you are loved and supported by so many people both near and far!
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